Where is Christmas?

I am having a difficult time getting into Christmas this year.  Too much has happened during 2012 that has rocked my world, and I find myself reeling, trying to find sure footing in my life.  Christmas just isn’t helping!

I want to get into the Christmas spirit.  I really do.  I get snippets of it from time to time, such as when I am baking cookies with my nephews and nieces or teaching a new friend how to cut out and decorate sugar cookies.  But then I find myself back in my real world, and the Christmas spirit flees from me.

It’s been a tough year.  I discovered that my biblical house was built upon the sand.  When the storms came, it crumbled and tumbled, leaving me standing bare before my creator and alone in my heartache, fears, and disappointment.  They say that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.  I’m not sure how much stronger I am, but thankfully I’m not dead yet!

I believe I have made progress, day by day.  But my journey is long, and the path is littered with stones that keep trying to trip me up.  My faith is my walking stick, and I lean on it as I maneuver my way through unknown territory.   My family and my friends are on the sidelines of my path cheering me on, and at critical times they have stepped in and walked awhile with me.  I am very grateful for all of the support and help they have given me this year.    I know I wouldn’t be here today writing this blog if it hadn’t been for these special people and for God’s constant presence.   I am humbled by grace and love.

It’s Christmas time.  Brian reminded me of how close it is in his Facebook posting earlier this week.  I am also constantly reminded of it every time I go for a walk in Monroe or shop in our local Walmart.   The commercialism bothers me more this year than in previous seasons- I’m not sure why, but it does.  I search for the true meaning of Christmas, and wonder why we put so much emphasis on a birth and on Santa Claus, when it was the life of Jesus - his teaching and sacrifice - that revealed God’s true self to us.   I am confused. 

I will keep searching for Christmas.  I know it’s out there somewhere.