Women's Bonds

Our book group met yesterday during lunch hour to discuss the book, The Red Tent. From the discussion of the book a nugget was offered that landed squarely on me, and kept rumbling around in my mind all afternoon, taking root, and becoming something I have to write about.

One of the book group members noted that the women in the book had a strong bond as a group, which helped them survive and thrive in the culture in which they lived. She also looked around our little group at the conference room table and remarked that women today are still bonding together, in book groups, knitting groups (which we have each Tuesday) and other groups that bring us together.

What hit me about this observation was in memories that bubbled to the surface yesterday afternoon. For twenty years of my life, I had no group of women with which I could bond. Even in those that I participated in, I never felt like I was part of the group. As a minister’s wife, I was always held on the fringes, never included in the intimacies shared by women or embraced as a confidante. Away from the church, whenever I would join a group of women, as soon as they learned that my husband was a preacher, I felt an immediate barricade go up, keeping me from their inner circle. Even the ministers’ wives club was stilted. None of us wanted to share with the other wives, because we feared what might get back to our husbands, or that we might sound like we were complainers of our lives that were directed and called by God.

[At this point, I want to make a statement about this period of my life. While I felt excluded from groups of women, I was fortunate to have a few true and lasting friends, and I will always treasure these special friendships where these wonderful ladies took the risk to become friends with the minister’s wife. Norma, Jane, and Eunice, if you are reading this, I do not include you ever as anyone who did not welcome me into your arms of love.]

Things are different for me now. For example, Tuesday evening after work, two of my bus buddies and I met for dinner. The three of us got to know each other on our commuter bus over three years ago, and a close friendship has grown among three women from very different backgrounds, with very different jobs, and with an age gap of about 20 years from me, the oldest, to Shawn, the youngest. Sandy, Shawn and I talk and laugh, sympathize and celebrate, share ideas and give advice. This is the kind of bond I imagine the women in The Red Tent had, and one that I embrace in my own life.

I also have other bonding groups in my life. There’s our knitting group on Tuesdays, book group every month, girls’ trips to craft fairs, mini-reunions among old school friends, lunch outings with co-workers, etc., etc., etc. I am no longer on the outside looking in, but consider myself a very fortunate woman who has discovered the joys of having women friends and feeling the bonds of women’s groups. I am no longer confined to the sidelines, but am solidly in the circle of bonding women.